trailer park - JUPITER ASCENDING gets LESS AWFUL new trailer

Even though it’s not based on a comic book, I just had to comment on the new Jupiter Ascending trailer.

Just weeks before it was supposed make its July debut, this epic space opera was moved all the way up to February 6, 2015. 

The studio claims they needed more time for special effects improvements, but something tells me they smelled a John Carter-esque disaster on their hands.

Old Trailer

Jupiter Ascending is written, produced, and directed by The Wachowskis (The Matrix, Speed Racer, Cloud Atlas).

Mila Kunis plays Jupiter Jones, the unsuspecting heir to the House of Abrasax: a vast and powerful alien dynasty that claims to own Earth. Channing Tatum plays Caine Wise, a warrior with wolf and human DNA, who must protect Jupiter from those who want the Earth for themselves. 

I’m not kidding! That’s the movie’s actual premise! Earth belongs to the house of Robaxacete and Ashton Kutcher’s fiancé owns all of it.

New Trailer 

The new trailer does look a lot better than the old one. And, as a rule (I rarely follow), I choose to remain hopeful, optimistic, prepared to be surprised. But who am I kidding!? Magic Mike looks like a ****ing elf!

Think I'm being too hard on Jupiter Ascending? Are you excited to see it? Are you high? Comment below!